One year ago today on my late grandmother’s 85th birthday I found out I was pregnant with James.
I was at my therapist’s and we were talking about the next frozen IVF cycle I was about to do. She had been tracking my cycle and asked if everything was progressing on time and I told her no that I was five days late. I continued by saying I wasn’t thinking much about it because I had been late before and that never meant anything. She said five days is a long time and didn’t I want to get that checked out? I responded with a shrug and a maybe.
After three years of negative pregnancy tests one tends to not get their hopes up. She however put a bug in my ear and really got me thinking. I had forgotten my wallet at home that day so I scrounged up some quarters and stopped at the nearest Dollar Tree to purchase the finest pregnancy tests 8 quarters could buy. I bought two boxes and headed home...
A few weeks before Thanksgiving I was driving Olivia and myself home from school. I remember exactly where we were on our route home when she said the following, “Mommy! I know what I’m going to ask Santa for! I’ll ask him to have a baby in your belly for Christmas.”
As I stood in the bathroom and watched that pink line appear on the test, I proceeded to laugh out loud. My daughter was going to get her wish.
Truly in awe of what was unfolding, I was compelled to write a letter to Santa. The Santa at the Swansea Mall has always had a great relationship with Olivia. She would visit him on a regular basis and he recognizes her and remembers her name. This is the letter I gave him:
Dear Santa,
I'm writing to you to thank you for all you stand for, and what you have done for our family. As you know, your buddy Olivia asked for two things this Christmas; a cupcake maker, and for a baby sister to be in her mommy's belly. What you don't know is that we've been struggling with infertility for the past 3 years. Olivia and I were on our way home one day when she told me she was going to ask for a baby sister for Christmas. She never asks for that nor does she know how hard we have been trying including medical treatments. It truly broke my heart and I explained that she is certainly allowed to ask but that it might not work out.
My faith in the Christmas spirit, miracles, and the belief in Santa and the magic and wonderment he instills has forever been cemented. We are pregnant. No doctors. No treatments. A completely organic pregnancy.
I remain cautiously optimistic as we suffered two miscarriages this year, but there's just something about this one that I can feel in my heart that this time it's going to work out.
So I thank you for providing such a Christmas miracle to my family. You have always been so good to my girl and she just adores you. You have been her Santa since she was a baby.
I worry the mall won't be here by next Christmas. I would like very much to keep in contact because you're always so wonderful with Olivia. Here is my email and mailing address. Please consider dropping us a line sometime. I know she'd be thrilled. Thank you.
My faith in the Christmas spirit, miracles, and the belief in Santa and the magic and wonderment he instills has forever been cemented. We are pregnant. No doctors. No treatments. A completely organic pregnancy.
I remain cautiously optimistic as we suffered two miscarriages this year, but there's just something about this one that I can feel in my heart that this time it's going to work out.
So I thank you for providing such a Christmas miracle to my family. You have always been so good to my girl and she just adores you. You have been her Santa since she was a baby.
I worry the mall won't be here by next Christmas. I would like very much to keep in contact because you're always so wonderful with Olivia. Here is my email and mailing address. Please consider dropping us a line sometime. I know she'd be thrilled. Thank you.
I Will Always Believe,
Laura Gustafson
lgustafson1230@gmail.com
lgustafson1230@gmail.com
We receive emails from Santa on a regular basis now. Of course, she got a little brother instead of a little sister, but we’re all ok with that. Santa got to meet James last week and was thrilled to be able to hold him and chat with his buddy Olivia. 
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Never. Ever. Stop believing in the magic this time of year can bring. I am so blessed to have my two little miracles. Miss Olivia takes full credit for James being here, and that if she hadn’t wished for him it wouldn’t have happened. I believe there’s some truth in that.
Magic, particularly Christmas magic, is a sacred and special thing. So is fate. It was fate that I found out I was pregnant on my grandmother’s birthday and fate when I found out on my own birthday that I wasn’t going to miscarry this time. Everything about this pregnancy was magical and surreal. Even when I was as big as a house, uncomfortable, and ready, I was still in disbelief that this was happening.
I thank the heavens everyday for my Christmas miracle.
